At the age of 34 I finally accepted the fact that I could not lose weight by my self. I had been wondering about gastric banding for a while.
For the longest time I could never accept that I was actually obese. I was one of those people that always thought I was thinner than I really was and never saw the real me. It helped that I could look in the mirror and not really see me. I'd see my hair and fix it accordingly, I'd see the clothes I was wearing and straighten were necessary. But I was extremely adapt at not seeing me.
Once in a while, I would see a photo of myself, they were the times that I would stop and try to comprehend just how big I was getting. Even then I would put it to the back of my mind and soon forget about it. It really is amazing just how well I could delude myself into believing it would go away by itself.
Don't get me wrong: at least once a year I would decide that I needed to lose weight and start a diet.
Fad diets from magazines, meal replacements and weight watchers. I tried many things and more than once. The most I ever lost was maybe 30kg at weight watchers. It took me over a year to achieve that goal; but I was constantly fighting the hunger and cravings and one day I feel into a depression and was off the diet. The depression didn't last too long (at least not officially) but the self-restraint was gone and soon I had put that 30kgs back on and some more. Always more weight came back than what I had lost.
It wasn't until last Christmas that I was over at a friends place that I mentioned Lap Band out load to someone. That seemed to open the flood gates. I couldn't stop thinking about it and wondering if I would really be able to do it.
I researched, through the Internet. Forums are a god send really. People that have gone through it and talking to each other in a public place were others can learn from their journeys. I have to thank all those people. The good; the bad and the ugly were on display on up for discussion. I learnt all the risks, benefits and most of the side effects.
The idea of only being able to eat small amounts and slowly both scared me and made me wonder if I would be able to follow through with it.
The more I investigated the more I thought this was the weight lose tool I needed.
Even so; it took me until the end of February before I got the courage to see my doctor about it.
I was sooo surprised when she didn't bat an eyelid at me when I asked for a referral to a surgeon. I was so relieved when she just handed it over without a thought. I called the surgeon and was able to get an appointment on the 2nd of March. Dr Greenslade of Greenslope Hospital. He to didn't question my need for the surgery.
And that was when it hit me. The reason they didn't question me for wanting to get the surgery was because I needed it and I was well and truly in the bracket of Morbidly Obese.
Scary, even though I knew I was so over weight that I needed to have weight lose surgery, but I could still not bring myself to believe that I was so over weight that everyone else around me would think the same thing as well.
The surgery date was set: Monday 22 March 2010.