I had a couple of cookies for afternoon tea. Alright so it was five cookies.
|Unibic Soft Centre Cookies|
But enough of these devilish delights.....
Take two of day one went much better. Better planning and keeping away from the temptations really helped.
I have been trying to work out why it hit me so hard the other day and I think it was just laziness on my part. I didn't put up any resistance to the sugar. Same with yesterday, although I gave a few thoughts of resistance, it was not with any determination.
I am sure it is nerves about my band. Not that it will fail me; but that I will fail it.
You see, I did a lot of research about it and I knew that the band would not stop the food, just restrict my portion sizes. I even saw the stories how people cheated with the band by melting chocolate and drinking it so that the band didn't come into play.
I guess I just thought that I would be automatically have the self control to not do any of that. It really did surprise me the first time I ate lollies. It was like I could keep on eating them forever, but at the same time I could feel them filling up my little pouch of a stomach.
Don't get me wrong, I decided before I even got the surgery that I was not going to allow myself to cheat like some of the stories I had heard. I think I have just gotten to the stage were I sometimes think maybe I could get away with it once or twice. I'm also at a stage were I think it is finally setting in that this really is for life and is not just a diet that if I give up on I will just go back to the way I was. And that is a little scary. For no particular reason other than occasionally I miss the false emotional support I used to get with food.
See; I said false. I know it wasn't really supporting me, in fact it was just making my life worse every day.
But there really are times when I would just love to order a pizza or a large Big Mac meal and go to town on it.
I have come to the conclusion in all my recent ramblings that I am going through a sole searching period, personally working on the food and image issues I have about myself.
Perhaps that is why the sugar took hold the other day. The old me not wanting to let go and not be able to go crazy over food again.
That's a thought to sleep on.
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