Places to go; Things to see

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I'm such a Loser (and not the weight kind)

What would you do if there was going to be a girl's weekend away. About four or five girls from work, planning a great week-end a way up the coast, do some whale watching, and day tours (we work in the travel industry and sometimes get some really good deals).

You go out of your way to make sure you have that week end off, and this is an effort in its self because we all have to work every third week end and to arrange for everyone to have the same week-end off in advance is a bit of a nightmare.

This was all planned for October.

I was over at two of these friends place today (they share a flat in the city) and I was asked to flat sit for them next week-end (looking after her two cats) it was revealed that the weekend has been moved up to next week-end, because it is better for whale watching.

They hadn't told me, they hadn't remembered they had invited me. And I was there second choose for house sitting.

Now a confident person would have reminded them of these small facts.

A person with some small amount of self respect would have maybe even been a bit peeved off, maybe even been a little upset about it all and let them know this.

Me... I say sure, if you need a house sitter that will be fine. I'm working next week so that will be even better as it is just a five minute walk to work instead of an hour's train ride.

All the time I trying my hardest not to burst into tears (I did succeed in not crying).

Now I don't know if I did the right thing. I know I am going to stew over it for the rest of the week, because this is what I do.

For all I know we could still be on for the October weekend, the plans may have just been changed.

Also; the thing to consider is that these two women have been sharing a place for about 3 - 4 years and have become best friends and one of them is about to move out. She has gone back to uni and is now only working part time, so she really can't afford the high inner city rent any more. So I know next week-end is a kind of end of sharing a flat thing of a week-end.

But that being said. Someone else asked them this question, "I thought that week-end was in October?" and they said, "No, it has been moved forward because the whale watching is best in August."

It really is amazing. I felt like shit. With one sentence, all the hard work that I have put in to loss weight went out the fourth floor apartment window.

My mum was there are she started to say "I thought you were supposed to be going?" but I stopped her half way through it. I didn't want the girls to realise half way through there description of there planned week-end.

Now I am more angry at myself than anything else. For not having the guts to speak up for myself, and for eating KFC popcorn chicken (snack size with about a dozen chips) for dinner.

I just feel like the pathetic fat chic like before I had started this journey and I did not like it. And it does all come down to confidence. I have none. I have been doing a little research since I got home and am going to look into it even more. And follow up on the research.

I need to improve my self esteem or else I am going to run into trouble with my weight later down the track. I know tonight's dinner shouldn't have too much of an impact on me, but if I have no confidence or self esteem, it is going to continually happen and that is what I can't afford.

I think I have said all I can at the moment. Sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble. I am sure most of you realise how therapeutic blogging can be at times :)

10 comments:

  1. Oh my. Sam this post made me sad... people are horrible... i hate nearly all of human kind and this is the reason why.

    Now this all being said im glad your actually not going with these girls as i dont think it would have been good for you, you could have ended up having the worst mini break ever with them because they arent the kind of people you mesh with.

    Now with the money you would have spent on this trip you need to organise something special for yourself.

    I understand the eating when down thing.... thats what i would always do... dont worry about that, stand tall.

    You to need to investigate into some things that you think you will gain confidence in....maybe a new hobbie where you can meet new people, even go try a drama class.... now that will kick start your confidence into gear.

    Taking ourselves out of our comfort zones is the hardest thing to do but we can do it. Its not fair letting fear hold us!

    Ash x

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  2. I'm sorry they forgot, the moment has probably passed for you to remind them you were planning to go as well. Perhaps you can make the best of it by planning something fun for the weekend you will be staying at their flat? But most importantly, stand up, clean that chicken off and get back on your healthier lifestyle road, YOU DESERVE IT!

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  3. You are NOT a loser. I was in similar situations and a few years back just started speaking up more. I lost a few friends (and pissed off some in my family) but I had been a doormat too much in the past just trying to make everyone happy. I would just forget about the weekend in October with these friends and plan something else. Make is a reward for your great weightloss. Eventually you will see that turning to food when we get upset doesn't help. I had an evening (post-band) when I was really sad and kept eating ice-cream. I didn't taste it at all-it was then I realized that no amount of food would make me feel better. I just had to let the sadness come. I cried and cried and it did feel better. I hope all works out, and remember that the house sitting will cut off some travel time to work. Think of it as a vacation in the city and explore.

    And I had KFC a few days ago too. Something called their snacker. It took me two meals to finish it-that's what the band helps with.

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  4. Awww...so sorry about this. But don't take this on as your fault...this is THEIR fault, their misstep, their inconsideration....and I do hope they remember....and I don't think I'd housesit for them. If you're not good enough to remember...you're not good enough for house sitting.

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  5. I'm so sorry that you feel bad, as Drazil said, its their fault, they sound thoughtless at best and mean at worst.
    I wouldn't housesit for them either.

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  6. I am sorry, Sam. How inconsiderate of them! I am with Draz, you shouldn't be doing them the favor of house-sitting while they are off enjoying the trip they forgot they invited you to join them on.

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  7. I think you should forget you told them you'd housesit.

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  8. Wowser,that is completely inconsiderate! How disappointing for you too. I agree with everyone else - I wouldn't housesit for them!

    Em :)

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  9. My gosh Sam, I feel kinda numb about this. I think all of us can think of times when this has happened to us. I feel really bummed for you.

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  10. Sam, this post just makes me so sad, because you are obviously a wonderful, kind and lovely person who certainly doesn't deserve to be treated like this :-( I know it's easy for me to say, but this is NO REFLECTION on you at all - they are the ones who should be beating themselves up for behaving so terribly! Yes, maybe next time you will have the courage to speak up, but really, you wouldn't have to if these women didn't treat you so poorly. It is them at fault, NOT you.

    I really hope you are able to do something nice for yourself in place of the holiday. Even if it's just taking yourself off to the movies or something?

    Big hugs xxx

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