Places to go; Things to see

Monday, July 11, 2011

What am I doing???

I have to wonder what the hell I am doing...

There is a something not right with me that I am not able to follow through. I had a quick glance through blog titles and it brings back memories of all my plans that I was wanting to follow through with, and then they just fizzled.

The challenges that I signed up for and started out really well and then stopped doing so well.
The plans to get back on track with a jump start diet or pouch test and then no follow through.
The exercise schedules to help me get to goal, and then I stop going.

I never follow through.

I'm up to week eight on this 12WBT but I am just skating through at the moment. I have not been exercising and not following the diet, and I have only just been losing little amounts. I have such high hope at the beginning of each week and then nothing.

I can blame the lack of exercise of the bout of flu and lingering cough as much as I want, but I am still not exercising, and I have started to wonder if it is just an excuse that I am using. I need to just go do the exercise and see what happens.

Which is all fine for me to say that now as the gym is closed and the night is getting late. The real test will be tomorrow. I need to be up at 4am and out the door for work by 5am. I finish at 2pm and then have an hour's trip home. It will be 3:30pm before I am even able to get ready to go to the gym, that is when the real test will come.

It is one last challenge I am setting myself. I have to follow through with this challenge to myself, or why am I even trying.

I went through a lot to get banded. I had to face a lot of my own fears to even admit that I needed help to lose weight. I needed to face my family and friends with my inability to handle it. I had to go under the knife to get this band. I was so scared at the time, but I got through that and I recovered just fine.

Now I need to work the band and stop making excuses.

And even as I type this I feel like such a hypocrite. I had a whole bag of peanut butter m&m's tonight. Maybe that is the guilt behind this post. I eat chocolate and then feel so guilty about it, it drives me to plead my case one more time.

I want to thank everyone for your comments, and I am very sorry that I have not been commenting or reading as much  as I should have. I fell into the self pity party where I wasn't reading and posting like I should have been. You lovely ladies offer all this support and I crave it, but it is hard to reciprocate when you feel like a failure. Lately I have been faking it, hoping that will get me through. It hasn't been working. So my new strategy is to MEAN it.

Something that was done at the beginning of the year was to think of a word for 2011, something that we can hang on to through out the year. I have not done that.

Mine was:
That is what I have failed to do. I have failed to believe in myself and my ability to succeed in my journey.
I believe that I can do this.
I believe that I deserve this.
I believe I can make my dreams come true.

I believe I would not have gotten this far with out this blog and your support. I look forward to continuing the journey with a more positive outlook :o)


  1. Winter is hard to get through-It's a good word Believe! Look how far you have come already! We are with you ...

  2. I believe you can do it!

    Honey, I am the queen of not following through! I told myself that if I was going to open my body and have this surgery and put my family though it with me, then I better keep going! Doesn't mean we don't stumble.

    Make some small goals. Then stick to them! I'll do it with you in my blog post today!

  3. I believe you can do this. Seriously - you just have to make the time to get it done. BELIEVE in yourself, BELIEVE you are worth it, it requires effort, but the first few times are the hardest. Stick with it, I know you can do this.

  4. ps. I awarded you an Adorable Blog award!! Read about it my post

  5. Sam .........I know you can do it.........1 step at a time. Pick 1 goal and the others will come. Is there any exercise you like? Go there first!


  6. I believe in you sweetie! We all do! And we all struggle. And we all fall off the wagon. My biggest fear in this whole thing is that I won't follow through to my goal. I'll give up like I always do but it's different this time. It's different for me and it's different for you. We can do this...together! You're not a failure. Struggling and then overcoming is the epitome of success!

  7. Fake it til you feel it, babe! You can do this challenge, and you'll be so glad you did, you might even begin a new one. :)

  8. Hello, hello- just found your blog through Amanda's (and am now your newest follower)!

  9. I agree, one thing at a time. Take it slow and steady and you will find yourself back on track in no time!

  10. One thing I have learned about myself in this process is that if I keep setting goals and then failing to achieve them, the goals were probably unrealistic. Your schedule sounds really crazy and adding in a trip to the gym sounds really difficult. Maybe that isn't a realistic goal. What about taking a 30 minute walk after dinner instead? You can go to the gym on the weekend.

    I also don't see anything wrong with the M&Ms. Work them into your food plan if you want them. Don't beat yourself up over your food choices.