You ever watch those shows where they show you a really bad air crash and how it all went wrong to cause an aeroplane to fall from the sky? I know I have, its a morbid curiosity with those types of shows, it was worse before I flew overseas for the first time, wondering if that could actually happen, but I still watched them. Could not stop.
On the surface, it would seem like there was one obvious reason for the airplane to come down, but the more they dug and the more the looked, the more reasons would appear for the disaster. It always amazed me that in the end it was always the same thing.....a lot of little errors that by themselves were harmless, but combined caused a modern marvel to come crashing down in one massive failure.
Lately I have wondered if I should do the same type of investigation into my wieght loss journey. What is really holding me back.
And this is not a pity party, I am just trying to understand myself. I have been lax in evaluating myself and my mind to figure out why I have stalled for the last 18 months (I can't believe I let it go on this long)
On the surface it would appear that me eating choices are not he best and that is why I have not lost significant weight in this time. But in reality that is just the end result, the airplane crash - to follow on from the title. What has caused the bad food choices, that is what I need to work on.
I don't believe that I will make it to goal.
There I said it.
Sad isn't it. I have been fighting it for so long and I have been telling my self for so long that I will get to goal. But the truth is deep down, I have never believed it.
I think this is the one big reason why the journey of mine is crashing at the moment, there are lots of other little reasons, I have not stayed on track, I have not been honest with myself or others in what I am eating, I still secret eat, I have not exercised enough, I don't say no to the bad choices, I don't get enough sleep.
Lots and lots of little reasons that when put together come up with the catastrophe of me not loosing the weight and me being in self denial on the real reason.
So what now?
I have to start believing that I will reach my goal. I know this. And I am in the process of changing this mentality. The band works as long as I work with the band, that isn't the issue I am having. I have never been thin, never been anywhere near a healthy weight. I dont know how to be at a healthy weight. How do you get past that?
I am working on a visualization board to help me. As I don't have photos of a skinny me, I will use pictures that I can find of the type of body I am working towards. Realistic body shapes, not the supermodel skinny body types. I am also including exercise and healthy foods and habits that's need to incorporate into my journey to get me there.
I will take a photo of it when I get it up and running, I am searching for the photos now, so if you have any ideas on what else could go on it, feel free :o)
I am also trying to work on the negative self talk that goes on in the head. A lot of it is subconsious, so I really have to stop and listen and then 'cancel' it and change it for positive self talk. It is exhausting. So positive mantras are on the agenda for me as well.
And exercise :o) I am sure you know as well as I do that exercise is great for depression and bad moods. I don't have a problem with the negative thoughts after a workout, I may have them before hand to try and get out of the workout, but after it is all good. So more of that.
So I do have a plan, and believe me, this is not a pity party post, I am in a good place right now. Better still after this post as it has put my thoughts in some order. The action plan feels more real. Thanks for reading this long post and your continual support.
Have a great Friday :o)