So I have thinking a lot of the goal I have set myself with committing to myself for the next eight weeks and as always, wondering if I am doing the right thing for myself.
I still think it is a good move for me. I am a little worried about not finishing it; especially as I am already a little behind on the exercise front!!
To date the stats are:
Exercise: 2 out of 40 workouts
Blog: 2nd post of 20
Weight: 109.9kg – aim is to be 99kg
So I am two workouts down, and the weight, well that is Monday’s weigh in, and so far the scale has stayed the same all week, it did go up a couple 100 grams, but then it went back down. Just trying to get my water in and not stress too much on it because that usually just leads to eating and a weight gain!!
Trying to work if your goals are achievable is not something I am very good at. And the more I think about it the more I have to wonder if I am just setting myself up for defeat.
But that is the thinking that has gotten me here – nearly three years out from banding and only half way to goal!!!
So yes I can hear that I am rambling on here, but I just feel as though if I don’t write it down I will never get there. And I want to get there so badly, I am scared I will mess it up.
I wish I knew what was holding me back, I think about it constantly and the only thing that keeps popping into my head is both friends and family telling me not to loose too much weight, not to take it too far. The more I think about I really do not have the supportive network around me in real life.
I know they are just worried. I have an eating disorder, I over ate before the band. I can not stay away from food and I still have trouble avoiding the bad, crappy food that I used to eat in such large quantities. I can see that they are worried that it could easily turn into anorexia or something. I don’t see it. I can barely see myself getting to 75kg and that just puts at the very top of the healthy BMI calculator!!!
So for me being 175cm tall (5’9”) my healthy range is between approximately 57-76kg or 125-160lb and that is just freaky.
One part of me thinks it will not be possible, while another part of me can’t wait to see what I look like…and there in lies my biggest problem!! Can’t Wait!! I am so impatient; I want to be there now! I want to loose the weight and get the healthy body I have always dreamed about, but I am tired of the fact that it takes so long.
I know I want the goods without putting in the effort and that is really what is holding me back.
See, typing away here I have finally admitted to myself what the main problem is. I don’t want to put in the effort and dedication to get to were I want to be….how sad is that.
I have to though, I know that. I have to make it a habit, second nature to help myself get to goal.
The biggest thing that will help me get there that I currently am lacking is the exercise, I know this and that is really what I have to work on. General rule of thumb is a habit takes about 21 day to create, I think me and exercise is going to be a harder one and will take a lot longer, but it is what I am aiming for. After all it is a golden lap band rule to get 30 minutes of exercise in a day – everyday. Not just once a week; not a few times a week and not when the mood strikes; but EVERYDAY.
So how to incorporate exercise in everyday – that is the question….
Sunday’s really are the only day that I have covered – with the scheduled walk with walking work buddy. And while I do have an offer to walk after work with another work buddy a few days a week, past experience doesn’t have this as the best plan of attack because it is so reliant on the weather!
After work is not the most ideal time because too many times I skip it due to being too tired. So that leaves mornings.
I do actually like that time at the gym and getting there will be less of a problem at the moment as I have soul use of a car. For a while there I was sharing the car with my mum who I live with, but it is summer time here and she rides her scooter to and from the station, also, she is being made redundant at the end of the year, so once that happens she will not need to get to the station – she is looking at it as an early retirement and at least to begin with, does not think she will need to find other work.
You see it is very easy to type this out now on a Saturday when I am at work until 7pm and have a walk scheduled for tomorrow morning. The test will be Monday morning – how committed am I to my goals……