Places to go; Things to see

Monday, October 29, 2012

New Week, New Torture

Week 139 post-op weigh in,
Starting weight: 151.9kg / 334.9lb
Last week: 111.5kg / 245.8 lb
Current weight: 110.3 kg / 243.2 lb
Change: loss of 1.2 kg / 2.6 lb
Total Weight Lost to Date: 41.6 kg / 91.7 lb

Wow, look at that, a tight band does work great... But I am still getting some out on Friday. No matter what the scale says, I don't like not being able to easily drink water in the morning. As long as he doesn't take too much out it should be fine.

Although having just said that, it's my time of the month, and contrary to most people it seems, I get looser at this time of the month :(

Had a choc fest yesterday and was very tired, but of course it didn't click until my discovery this morning :o) that choc fest surprises me every month. Yesterday it was fun size milky ways and bountys. I ate about ten of them. Which is actually an improvement as before it could have been the whole bag of 12 bountys and 18 milky ways :p so that is another thing to be thankful about a tight band!

This morning I was able to have all of my yoghurt, not just half that I was managing last week, and lunch of chicken with spinach and feta dip went down very nicely.

Thinking about it, it had better be my periods causing this sudden change in the band! If I get some out only to find out that this is actually the new norm and it was just taking a while to settle dowm, I'll scream :o) But everything should be back to normal by Friday, so hopefully I will have a better idea at then.

I never do trust myself when jugding my band. I keep wondering if I am trying to talk myself out of getting some of the fill out because a tight band means better weight loss, even though I can barely eat and I think I get heart burn with it. Or I think I am talking myself into getting some fill removed, because that means I'll be able to eat more food, even though I do need to be eating a little bit more, I just need to be staying away from the junk food and focus on protein and less on carbs. It gets a little busy in my head at times, as it does in all of us at times I am sure!

But enough complaining :o) My Mondayis now over and I am off to have a bit of an early night. I think all I have leftt in my today is a little blog reading catch up time and sleep time for me. I hope everyone has had a great Monday and the week continues just as nicely.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Free Dress Friday

No uniform for work today and just because I felt like sharing a pic of me :o)

Still tight, but I am working with my band and not against it. Start the day off with sipping my coffee and then water, and then lunch is this:
And the only reason there are no crackers under that chicken with spinach and feta dip is because I didn't have any left :p mind you, I can eat more chicken with out them, so it is a good thing :o) i had already eaten a slice of chicken and taken a bite of cheese from the small plate before I took the photo.

It was tasty and went down well, even if it did take a while to eat. I actually didn't eat anything else all afternoon, after work we went for drink and I had two glasses of wine as well as some hot chips, but as usual I could only have a small amount of those (I think I have definately over estimated in the below counter for the amount I ate). Hot chips does not agree with my band, only the real crispy ones, so all in all. Not a very healthy dinner, but I figured I needed to relax with work mates more than I needed to worry about food. And even with the chips I was still under in calores, I just didn't make the protein I like.
But anyway, I am now on the train on my way home and then hitting the sack. The only thing else that I will be consuming is soom water to make up for the wine. I really notice the dehydrating affect alcohol has on me these days.

Every day, I do discover new things about my band and my body. and one day, it will all click together and I will have all that I need to complete my journey to goal... It really is a longer journey for some.

Oh and I was actually discussing the band with some ladies tonight, they were curious and I was open about it. Explained the proceedure and everything. They are overweight and had tried so many times to loose weight and were now thinking about it as an option.

I like doing that, because even though I am not yet at goal, I have always thought this was the best thing I have ever done for myself, and I am very pro band when it comes to wls. I know that I am not currently at goal, because I have not done the work that I need to do. I also know that I still have it in me to get to goal.

Well after that bit of self promoting, I hope you are all as pumped as I am for the weekend :p have a great one and I shall be reading and commenting where ever I can! Thanks for getting through this one, I know I can ramble a bit after a glass of wine :o)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Really, can I be stopped?

Here's the lastest delemma...the fill was too big!

Not by much, but enough that I have made an appointment to go back next week and get some taken out. The problem with the water is getting worse. I am still able to drink, but I have to go real slow with it and I am not able to eat anything until late afternoon. Yesterday morning I couldn't even get through half my greek yoghurt. I put some nuts in it, (slivered almonds and walnut pieces) and they were not happy going down. No PB, but a some heart burn, which I think is worse :p

And then it feels as though I am starving, because I haven't had a lot to eat, so what did I do? Had ice cream for dinner! I am not happy with myself!

Here was my day (& the ice cream is probably worth more calories than what I have down)
To be honest, I was doing okay with it until I got home! But the low calorie intake (at least for me lately) just took it's toll and ate away at my resistance! Not that I am trying to make excuses! I know that I need to eat more during the day so that I don't do this type of eating when I get home, there are so many more better choices I could have made for dinner besides a large bowl of ice cream with choc topping! Even with the tight band. I should have had another shake, or I could have had some yoghurt. I would have been able to eat some fish or moist chicken, but I didn't even think of that.

I made the choice to eat the ice cream, and so now I have to get over it!

With my band, I think I knew I was going to be too tight straight after I had it done, but silly me thought it would go away, and to be honest, I can be tight straight away after a fill and then have it "settle down" a few days later, but this time, if anything it has gotten tighter.

So I will be on shakes and yoghurt for the next week or so and while that should be good for the scales, it will not be so good for my brain. Mind you the afternoon tea I had today went well, a tiny bit of thinly sliced roasted chicken, with spinach and feta dip on rice crackers. Very tasty, and because I was finely able to eat something, went down quite well, it just needed a bit more protein, but I may be able to try more of the chicken today, as I only had a tiny bit yesterday due to the fact that I was a little scared I would still have problems.so the next week should be alright, if I can keep in mind that it is just the mornings I need to be extra careful and then stick to the healthy proteins in the afternoon.

So today the plan is to sip, sip, sip water, as yesterday I only managed to get 1 litre down instead of 2! Shake and yoghurt in the morning, and then look at the same afternoon tea, but more of the chicken, and then for dinner, fish with a some veges. That's the plan, now to put it in action.

Thanks for reading about my delemma and I hope you have agreat Thursday - darn, I could have done a Ten Thing Thursday :/ have to try again next week.....
(pic source)

Monday, October 22, 2012

Hunger.....

So I was watching a BandedWendy youtube video last night on hunger & wls : Proof WLS Works w/BandedWendy: Let's Talk About Hunger & WLS and this really got me thinking (like so many things do) I don't think I know what hunger is at the moment.

Like Wendy, pre surgery I did not know hunger, I always just ate. After surgery, I didn't really get hungry at all, I would eat when I was supposed to and sometimes it would be five hours before I would remember to eat. I think I only felt real hunger a few times and that would be when it had been a very long time between meals.

But over time, I have gotten back into pre surgery days of always eating, and of course, how am I supposed to loose more weight if I am always grazing. A lot of the time I am still eating because I am bored, tired or procrastinating, not because I am hungry.

So along with BandedWendy's food tips, I am also taking on board her attitude to hunger. I know I have to first learn the hunger fellings again, but I am doing this.

I googled a little and have come you withe following to help me with this learning curve.

First I need to ask myself the following questions:

1. Am I thirsty?
2. Am I tired?
3. Am I bored?
4. When was the last time I ate—was it less than three hours ago?
5. Can I wait 15 minutes before I eat again? Until the next meal?

If the answer is yes to any of these, then I am not really hungry, or at least not hungry enough!

I'm printing these out and putting them on my desk at work, as that is were I do most of my grazing, might even see about tattooing them on my hand :p

Now what I have to do is come up with a list of alternatives for when I am bored or tired, as these are the two main reasons for eating when not hungry at work.

Bored is the big one, cause I go through times at work were I am all up to date and actually have nothing to do, they are getting rarer, but coming up to christmas there will be more of them. That is my real quite time. I also get bored when doing the same thing over and over again and there are also times at work were that happens. In fact, I am about to have two weeks of it, as it is time to get a lot of work out for next year, so instead of doing different things for lots of different people, I'll be doing the same thing over, and over, and over again. Nothing bores me more!

Tired is another one, but this one I am going to have to be proactive about. You see, there are times when I just don't go to sleep, happened on Saturday, stayed up until 2:30am because I didn't want to sleep. I kept pushing through the times I got really sleepy. Even though I had to work a full day on Sunday and had an hours drive each way to get there! just did not want to sleep, and then when I finally went to bed, I had the worst time getting to sleep because I was over tired.

This of course led to snacking yesterday, although I wasn't as bad as usual. I can honestly say that when I ate yesterday, I was not "hungry"! Hence why I went checking for inspiration last night!

Which also reminds me that I need to do my Monday Morning weigh in:

Week 138 post-op weigh in,
Starting weight: 151.9kg / 334.9lb
Last week: 111.7 kg / 246.2 lb
Current weight: 111.5kg / 245.8 lb
Change: loss of 0.2 kg / 0.4 lb
Total Weight Lost to Date: 40.2 kg / 88.6 lb

Small loss this week, but then I didn't log and check the weigh in daily. But I will be on to that as of today as I need to keep track on how I am going with the hunger signals.

alright, I have rambled on enough for today :o) Have a great Monday everyone!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

What's in a fill

So Thursday saw me back at my surgeon's office for the first time since last November!

We had a quick chat about how I was going and he agreed to give me a small fill. By his scales I have lost about two kilos since my last visit with him, but when I explained that I had ben steady for most of the year, but had gained a little in the last month, he agreed to put a bit in to help get it the losses happening again.

I got on the table, he did his usual thing of drawing everything out (& yes I still had the 8.5ml I had last time - always good to know) and then put that all back in and added another little bit. Now the thing with my surgeon is that he doesn't like to give you the exact numbers, so I am not 100% sure on what is in there now, all I do know is that is under 9mls. When he adds more in he will tell you what he pulled out when he checked it, but nothing more.

I asked him about this once and he just said that people get too fixated on the numbers and don't really listen to there bodies about the fill level, and it does make sense... I already compare myself to others in weight loss when I shouldn't, so I know I would compare fill levels as well!

Result from this fill....

A vast improvement in restriction!

While I never really pushed my restriction levels before, I knew that they were there and did occasionally notice it. I really think the problem was that I knew it so well, I had gotten it down perfectly what I could eat and just automatically stayed away from what I knew I couldn't have.

Just in the last two days I have already noticed that I need to learn those restiction levels again. There isn't a great difference, but it is enough that I need to be careful. And I am so thankful!!!

Already my portions are smaller, and I am finding it easier to stay away from bad choices. Yes it has only been two days, but it is a start :p

To help I have checked out Banded Wendy's facebook (Proofwlsworks You Tube) page as she has so many great food ideas and I'm going to try this:
Something simple and tasty and can be easily portioned out in small serves. I am just trying t work out what veges I will out with it so that it is not just protein in the meal. I will have a look to see what is on season at the moment and I think just add it to the dish.

The only thing I have noticed, especially today, is that I am going to be a little bit mindful of getting water in. I made the mistake of having a small glass of soft drink yesterday and that did not agree, in fact it came back up very quickly. The silly thing is I rarely drink the stff, but decided to have some the day after a fill! This morning I noticed that I have not had as much waterr as usual, and when I guzzled some down, I noticed it wasn't going down like normal. I am going to have to remember to take smaller gulps and do that more often.

But other than that, I am loving this fill. I have a goal to get to double digits (in kilos) and I would like to do that this year. So now that I have the restriction I need to just stay away from junk food and this should be achievable.

In fact I actually feel like a bandster again! This can only be a good thing!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Timing

Yes I am a bit of slacker when it comes to blogging of late. It's because I'm not following the rules...... But what else is new right?

Last Monday the scale read 111.9kg / 246.7lb so that was down about half a kilo or one pound from the week before. Have to be happy about that. To be honest I have not checked the scale this week. Tuesday and Wednesday, was a struggle, I had to sop myself from stepping on it. But after that I actually have forgotten about it. Bsically I am just trying different methods to see if there are any changes to the way I approach the week and my weight.

First week. I tracked food and weighed in daily - at the end I lost about a kilo.

Second week. I tracked food but not weighing - at the end I lost half a kilo.

Third week. Not tracking and not weighing - final test will be on Monday.

And after those three lines it is obvious that week one worked best for weight loss. Why am I supprised!!!

Just means I have to track and weigh daily to continue do well. And whenever I get tired of it, I just have to ask myself if I really want to get to goal... Simple.

Yeah, I know, don't all laugh at the same time :o) if it was that simple I'd have been at goal a long time.

Good news is I have an appointment on Thursday for a fill. So that will help.

In other unrelated news...this is Tiny Monsters...
I am addicted to this fun little time waister. Breeding new monsters, and collecting all the coins are fun ways to pass the time.

And another little thing
Yep, I got the new iPhone 5, I'm loving it :o) it's cute and fast and makes we want to call and text people :p

Okay, that is all from me, just a quick one to let you know I am still about and thinking of you all. I shall return :o)

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Weight Dilemma

This is me just working through some issues I am discovering are the causes behind me not getting to be where I want to be at the moment.....
This is how the last five days have gone. I haven't bothered with calories and protein, partly because I wanted to keep it real simple and another part of me really didn't want to know.

There really is no consistancy in my eating. Some days I start off great, but don't eat enough so get really hungry and crap out in the afternoon. Other days I start the crap eariler and it sometimes gets a little better.

The thing that gets me wondering about me and my mind is that the movement on the scale really didn't affect my motivation to stay on track. In fact I think I went off track more when the scale went down!

It is like I'm thinking that because I didn't do a heap of exercise and wasn't on the healthy food track 110% I some how don't deserve the weight to go down. And there is also another part that is scared of me actually suceeding in lossing weight.

I can never remember a time when I have tracked my weight were I weighted less than 100 kilos / 220 pounds. When I was in year 5 everyone had to weigh themselves for an averaging experiment or that bell's curve thing with scoring. I weighed in at 60kg / 132lb (heaviest in the class). I was so embarassed about it that I didn't weigh myself again until I was 25. The scale said 125kg / 275lb and the only reason I know this was because that was while the doctor was trying to work out what was wrong with me when I first got gallstones and she noticed from my last visit the wek before that I had lost weight just by looking at me.

Since then I have been a bit of a scale freak. And the way it affects me is different every day.

I can get the same result on the scale two days in a row (for example - loose half a pound each day)

~The first day I might be excited about it - it's working, what ever I'm doing is working.
~The second day I may be disheartened by it - but I ate a chocolate covered strawberry, something must be wrong with me as I am not consistant and the scale always varies.

The same thoughts can occur when the scale also shows a gain.

~day one it's - of course I gained, I ate badly, just pull your self up and be better today, you can do this.
~day two it could be - why can't I ever loose weight. I am so pathetic. I ate a piece of fruit, why haven't I lost 20 kilos already!

The fact that the body flucuates regularly, doesn't enter the thought process. The fact that I have lost 40 kilos over a long period of time doesn't matter (so it should be easier to keep it off - they do say slower is better). Nothing changes the fact that I am not at my goal and so I might as well give up.

Only I DON'T WANT to give up!

Every time in the last twelve years when I have tried to loose weight, as soon as I get anywhere near the 100 kg mark, all the fight leaves and I go back to bad habits and the weight piled back on.

That's the real stumbling block behind my two year plateau that I am dealing with. I saw that I was possibly going to get to goal, get under the 100kg mark and keep loosing weight and the brain just froze.

If I didn't know better, I would think I had suffered some traumatic event as a kid that was around my weight, but unless it is buried really deep, I don't see it! I have more traumatic memories about my glasses than I do about weight!

~I was ten, had just starting wearing them and some moron yells out four-eyes as he drove by - yes I still have issues about that but I still wear glasses.

The weight thing bugs me more than anything else. Pisses me off that I sabotage myself so much.

Just not to the point where I actually do something to get past that mark!

Now this is not a post where I exclaim that I will be doing everything 110% right from this second on.

This is a post that is there for me to say, I am aware of it and I am working on it!
This is what I need to work on.

Too often I expect prefection from myself. I have never been perfect at anything. Who has?

Why do any of us expect perfection from our weightloss journey? Because we had a band? I am always saying that the band is not a cure for fatness, it's a tool to help me loose weight.

We all tell people that.

But deep down, I think I wanted to believe that it was a cure, and have been dealing with the disappointment that it isn't.....

So I am working on it still and will continue to work on the progress of getting to goal. Because if I keep working on it, I just know I'll get there eventually.

(And if you made it this far - thanks so much for reading my long thought of the night)