Places to go; Things to see

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What is so different about the weekend?

Time and time again I have to wonder why I do not follow through on the weekends? And I think I may have come up with a few reasons.....

  • Routine

I have none on the weekend, whether I am working or not, there is no routine to my Saturday or Sunday! And that just makes it difficult to stick to a routine.

The only regular thing about my weekend is the planned long Sunday walks I do with a friend, but that can easily be cancelled if either of us is not feeling well or if either of us have to work in the morning. And if I don't go for the walk, I rarely make it to the gym instead.

  • Relaxation


When I am not at work, I automatically fall into a relaxed mode where I have no motivation or will power to get up and do something, at least nothing that doesn't involve friends and fun.


  • Foods

There is no food structure or plans on the weekend, I can have exactly the same stuff at home as what is at work and it doesn't matter, I will just eat what ever and rarely do I stick to a game plan to keep within a calorie range.

The brain really shuts down when it comes to food on the weekend, usually because I am socialising and feel so awkward around other people at times that I eat to cover the fact I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. The fact may be that I do, but it is all about your own prospective on any situation that we worry about, isn't it?

  • Time

Main problem, and I think the route of everything else is that there is so much extra time on the weekend. You get so used to rushing, fitting stuff in and keeping on track that the extra time just ruins me! And while I still don't do so well on the weekends that I work, I do a lot better than other weekends when I don't have work on top of everything else.

So who knew that having so much time on your hands could be a bad thing for staying on track? I would have thought it made it easier as there was time to plan ahead, time to get to the gym,time to shop smart! But for me that time just makes everything available to do later and later then turns into, "I didn't do that this week". Procrastination, my name is Sam ;p

So the problem lies in how to fix this flaw in me so that I no longer waste and ruin my weekends and stay on track for the great weigh in on Monday's?

I have come to the realisation that besides all my list making and plan writing I am really no good at making a plan that works for me! So that is what I am going to work on, making better plans so hopefully I can work smarter and not harder! (Side note, they have been drumming that into us at work for must be sinking in finally ;p)

Good news is that I will be working this weekend, so it should help in getting a better than most weekend off to an even better start! I shall keep you posted on how I go ;)

P.S. I didn't weigh in this week, I thought it better to not disappoint myself this week cause I have been eating too much crap that I just know it wouldn't have been any good & I can only deal with so much disappointment at the moment :/

Enjoy your week :o)


Monday, September 30, 2013

The scale and other scary items in my life

This morning I weighed I at 112.5kg (approx. 248 lb). It has been a while since I stood on a scale and while I have been exercising hard in that time; my food choices have let me down; because this number is up!

So it may be Monday (the worst day to restart something) and it may be only 4 weeks until I jet off to China for 11 days (when I will be in true holiday mode); but I can not let any of this stand in my way of eating right; otherwise; what the hell am I doing?

Today I brought my lunch to work and there will be no more sugary flavoured coffees, I can not believe how much sugar is in the coffee shop Chai Lattes; my tea mix doesn’t have any calories listed on it and the ingredients are tea and spices, so I mistakenly thought that the shop versions would be similar; I was wrong; there’s seems to be based on sugar with some spices added!! So I shall just have to have the plain coffee again and left the yummy chia for home! And work on getting some sugar free flavours shipped over from the USA, because you can only readily get sugar-free vanilla here and I am not a real big fan of that one!

I have wondered about my lack of blogging and I have to admit it is the usual cause for my absence.....failing to loose weight! But it is silly to do that because I love reading of people's struggles as well as the continued successes! Firstly, it highlights issues I am usually having and offers alternative ideas on how to deal with them, and secondly, it is so great to see that person work through them and continue the journey. Prehaps if I had continued to blog more regularly I would have worked through the last platuea of two and half years a bot quicker!

So I am going to keep blogging, even if it does get a bit boring with just food updates and exercise updates! It is mostly for me and that is what I have to remember! I need to do whatever will work for me.

Now onto something equally depressing, work! Ireally wish I was rich and didn't have to work to pay off my morgage! Not liking it at all at the moment! Can I just say that new programs that don't do what was promised and take ten time more time, effort and people to complete a task SUCKS!!! But that is all I will say on the matter as I would likely to be fired if I said what I really thought. They keep assuring us it well get better, but at the moment I just can't see it and am just a little over being constantly emotionally and mentally exhausted each day!

I am trying to focus on the good things in my life, the upcoming trip to China that I am very excited about and all the great workouts I am enjoying. By focusing on them I am less likely to give in to the cravings for crap food that I have when under emotional stress!!!

and on that note I am off for today, I think I have rambled enough. Step by step I will get there :o)

Monday, September 9, 2013

Been a while....

Yes I have been away for quite a while.

For the most part, nothing has changed, and at the same time alot has changed!

Weight is still around the same, but I am feeling so much better, about myself and my life and my journey.

I am exercising regularly... for how long? Well I am aiming for life, anything short of that I do not want to accept!
This was this mornings workout session.

And I have been getting to the gym Monday to Friday, but I have not been as good on the weekends.

I tend to do up a snapshot like this and put it on instgr@m each day so that I try to stay accountable and motivated.

I do love how I feel after a great session and how much I can improve from week to week. This is only the third time I had done the above leg session and the difference that I felt even from last week is amazing. My dream has been to become active and to have exercise as a part of my daily life, I actually feel as though I am getting there.

Mentally, I think you can tell I am in a better place, I finally went to my doctor and talked about my problems.

Depression and anxiety are not fun to live with, but getting help is the hardest step ever. Once you take it, it is also the best step you can ever take. What made it even harder was that I had been there before and had stopped taking medication. I found it so hard to go back to the doctor and tell her that I needed to go back onto it!

Of cource she completely understood and was wonderful about the whole thing, put my mind at rest about a lot of the anxiety I had been having and has me on a different type on anti-depressants from last time. so far they are working a lot better, but she is monitoring me and we are working through it.

So there are the two main thins that have previously held me back, with just food being the missing link!

It is better, but still not great. I am eating a lot of higher protein foods, but still have a lot of problems with snacking, especially when bored at work! And I can be very busy, but still bored!

I have actually applied for a different position at work, but that has been put on hold for a while due to a new system taking up all our time and a resuffle not being the best option at this stage in the game...blah, blah, blah...same story they always say. Hopefully I will actually get to learn a new role sooner rather than later there, as a change is what I really need.

Well I don't know if anyone still reads this, and that is okay, because this blog has always been more for me getting things down, then writting it for other people, but if you are reading, thanks!!! And I will be back a lot quicker this time :o)

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Continuing my Plan

The plan is going well, but a few points on it that I should clarify for you. I am not trying to do everything on my plan straight away. I know that would just set me up for failure.

Something I should have mentioned last week in my post is that the plan is the long term goal, that is what I want my lifestle to be. Accomplishing that will get me to goal and change my lifestyle so that it is for life change, not a diet to get me to the first stage.

At the moment I am concentrating on some of the smaller things, the rest; because that is very important and without it, makes everything else nearly impossible. The water, because we are about to get into winter here, and that is when I struggle with water, and the exercise; because that is the one I want in my life the most.

Exercise is what I want my life to be about. I love the thought of being active and while I may go on about it, I know I have to in order to keep reminding myself what I do want my life to be.

Having said this, the other aspects of my plan were never far from my mind this week, and I did find that I was mostly there with the rest of my plan. While I didn't track my food, I was making better chioces, proteins with veges for most meals, and not nearly as many 'treats' as I normally would have, that is not to say that I didn't have them, but I did limit them, to the point were even out with friends, I choose a bottle of water instead of a soft drink and chocolate. I didn't even feel any envy while she ate it either. I enjoyed my cold water and continued on with our outing.

Oh, and that outing? It was shopping for hiking clothes! There was a great Brisbane hiking store that was relocating and we were checking it out because we want to get into hiking.

The main reason for this is that we are trying to put together a trip to South America next year... yes, we want to do the Inca Trek! It is a big trek, we know this, and to do it, both of us have to loose weight and get fit, very fit. At the moment we can do an hours walk no problem...if there are not too many hills. That is a huge diference to the 42 km or 26 mile trek in high altitude and we know it.

This is why the plan is so important. I have to loose more weight so that I am capable to do the trek.

So there you go, I have said it out loud. I want to do the Inca Trail trek in August / September 2014. And I am not letting myself stop me!

And so tomorrow is the first of my weigh ins that I have done for a while. I know I am up stightly from the last time I logged, but I am okay with that, because I am never going to be there again.

Very simply put, I need to start loosing weight and I need to keep loosing for some time.
This is what I am aiming for, I am thinking that I have kept the goals reasonable, and the time frames of every four weeks is manageable. I just have to add my offical start weight tomorrow morning! I think it will be around 112kg / 247lb. But I will need to wait and see as I am trying to stay away from the scale a bit so that I don't stress too much.

I also have worked on my meal planning a bit to cover lunches, tuna, egg and salad looks the go for this week, just something quick, easy and tasty in what I was thinking. But I will also be starting to plan dinners as well, so that I have a plan ready to go and I can get the shopping sorted out and not have to worry about what to do each night. This will also assist with budgeting so that I can actually pay for this big trip :p

Obviously, time will tell on how this goes, but if I don't try, then I won't get there. And this is what I have to keep me going...

I will keep you updated, thanks for so much of your comments. I love them all!!!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Working on it

After my last post I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have come up with a plan of attack...

My Plan

Exercise - 30 minutes every day
Morning is best, I can get in the thirty minutes in the morning before work!

I need to just get up at 5:00am and go to the gym instead of reading or fiddling with games for an hour and a half!

If I do miss a session my back up plan is to either walk to the station if it is not raining or at the very least stretching and cardio at home - I have enough magazines to get a thirty minute workout plan going!!!

Sundays will still remain the day or the big walks with my friend from work.

RDO - besides gym session, also have a swimming session, search for a swimming workout so that you have something to work towards when you go!

Rest - need at least 7 hours very night

This means in bed asleep by 10pm and no staying up all night reading or playing!

Two litres every day without fail - you know you feel better with it

Food - the biggest challenge so far
~ After workout I need a piece of cheese or small piece of fruit
~ Coffee and yoghurt for breakfast
~ Lunch to be protein and vege everyday - need to take this as the sushi is not a healthy option and I tend to want to eat more after it.
~ Dinner needs to be healthy protein and vege again

~ Snacks to be limited to fruit or cheese or protein but no more than 100 calories!

These are to be limited to once a week. And only one meal!

How to combat this...
~ Work morning teas - there is usually fruit or vege sticks, so eat those only, if there isn't that option don't eat any thing, you do not need it and you want to get to goal!
~ Weekend outings with family or friends - unless it is the one meal a week, stick to a healthy protein and salad or vege, but stay away from excessive carbs.

Also need to limit this to once a week and only to two glasses.

How this will work - you can still go out, but it you want to drink you have to eat healthy, if you want to eat a free meal, drink water or no calorie drinks, if it is an event that you want the free meal and drinks, remember that there is only one a week, so don't plan more events. And if there are times when you need more than one event a week you need to earn those extra calories and get them in before the event so that you don't just skip over them!

Over all I need to:
Stay under 1200 calories a day, this includes free meals!
Get at least 7 hours sleep
Exercise at least 30 minutes EVERYDAY
Drink water all day; every day
Treats are not treats if you have them all the time - once a week is plenty!!

All basic stuff, but basic is what I need, too complicated and I am doomed to fail before I start. I think the hardest part is the daily exercise - just getting started is the hardest.

Do you know what I love to image though?

I love imaging that exercise is a regular part of my life, that I get up for a run in the morning, that I look forward to competing in a mud run, I really want to do one of those!!!

And that is what I have to think about in the mornings when I just want to hit the snooze button! What I need to do is this....

Stop dreaming, Start doing!!!

If I stick to my guns, I those dreams have a chance of becoming true and that is something to aim for!

I will keep you posted on how I go! And thanks for the prompt Deirdre, I think I was scared to post again, because I didn't have anything new to report, your comment got me thinking that I had made progress, I just haven't put it in place, but today was a start on it. And thank you to everyone else that commented.

It goes to show how important comments and support shown by others is for all of us to succeed, so I think I will go and offer some support of my own.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What is Holding YOU back?

If you are not at goal and are having trouble getting there; do you know WHY?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I just can’t seem to break the cycle of starting strong with a simple exercise plan and eating plan that is not extreme; only to keep caving into to crappy food cravings half way through the first day – usually after I have exercised too!!

I think I have identified at least two reasons that could be holding me back…keep in mind I have no medical confirmations for any of this :P

Firstly; there is the loose skin factor!

I am petrified that I am going to end up with sags of loose skin on my arms, thighs, stomach and back!! This is something I have always worried about and I even asked the doctor prior to surgery about it, but to be honest, he just gave the standard line how about 50% do need it and that it is nothing to worry about at that early stage. It is probably the only thing about the whole pre surgery process that I wasn’t 100% happy with but as usual, I never complained about it at the time!!

I already can see it and it is only getting worse! I know I will not be able to afford the surgery necessary to fix it and it is already bothering me… so how do I deal with this issue? I eat!!!!

Secondly; fear of rejection…

I do not find myself attractive, so how is anyone else. So that I am not rejected, I have stayed completely away from relationships. So I have to wonder how I will actually go in a serious relationship, if it ever happens for me. I also wonder if I am just a boring human being, I mean I have the whinging down!
I saw this picture on Facebook the other week and I think it really started me thinking. What if I am boring personality? And then I think to myself, ‘just snap out of your self pity party darling!’

But the thoughts still linger… I know I should see a therapist, but I hate talking about this stuff! And the irony of that statement hasn’t escaped my notice :) Besides; with therapists, you have to locate one that you feel comfortable with and they are very expensive and I just don’t know if I can do it!

So there you go, two reasons on what I am sure is a much longer list of things holding me back!

What to do about is the real question and to be honest I really don't have a good answer.
But this thought does come to mind:
But other than that obviously defensive statement, I have nothing.

I saw this quote:
And I do know that this is one of my failures. So I really have to get back to the very basic beginning and relearn how to plan, because obviously, if I can't plan, all I will ever do is wish my life away, and to be honest with myself, I am tired of that, I want to start reaching my goals!

So I am off to learn how to plan properly and to put what I learn into ACTION :)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Trying Something Different

I have been trying something out and it worked okay.....
This is the second time I have done this, written out my day thenight before to see if I can stick to it!

The first time was on Monday and it went prett good, the only thing I didn't do was a blog post, if you are reading this, I have obviously succeeded in getting most of what I wanted done today :P

Now you may think it is weird to have such an early bed time and "no reading" next to it, but that is due to the fact that both Monday and Tuesday nights I was reading until about 1am and am still recovering from it. I figureif I write it down, I may have a better chance of listening to myself!

Oh yeah and the reason why I didn't post on Monday? Because that is a weigh in day and the news wasn't good... up a little bit from last week

Week 148 post-op weigh in,
Starting weight: 151.9kg / 334.9lb
Last weigh in: 107.4 kg / 236.8 lb
Current weight: 107.7 kg / 237.4lb
Change: gain of 0.3 kg / 0.6 lb
Total Weight Lost to Date: 44.2 kg / 97.5 lb

Second week in a row that it has crept up! I know I have no one else but myself to blame, and it is all in my food choices! I am just so frustrated with myself!

Okay deep breathe taken and I am starting over yet again.....

It is up to me to decide what I eat, when I go to sleep and wht I do with my time!

Remember this Samantha!!!
That is all for today :o) and just think tomorrow is the Friday before a long week-end!!! Yay!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Challenging Myself

Run With Jess is hosting a weight loss challenge, only it is a bit different to the normal challenges. Run by dietbet, everyone puts in to the pot and at the end of four weeks those that have lost 4% of their orginal weight get a slice of the pot!

Round two is starting on Monday 28th January and I have signed up for it!
Run with Jess
I know I always say that I suck at challenges, but I want to try this one as it is not able coming first to win a prize, it is about losing some weight, and if I happen to loose the required amount, than I can get my money back and if not everyone looses enough weight, I may even get a little extra back as well!

I am giving it a go and will see what happens :)

It has to be better than how I am going at the moment!

This summer cold I have is still persisting, mostly it is just a cough and a bit of a sore throat. I didn't exercise on Thursady or Friday, but I have done a thirty minute walk this morning. Due to my hip I can't get back to jogging yet, but it is probably a good thing, because if I was allowed to, I probably would have tried to run and that would not have helped my health!

Food wise, though I am not doing so well! Whenever I am sick, I always eat crap! Crap, crap and more crap! Yesterday luch consisted of crackerrs and dip with a side of cheezels!

And I have no one to blame but myself, I bought it, I picked it up and I ate it! Worse still, is that when dinner time came around I was not hungry due to all the crap I ate, so I went to bed with mo dinner. On one hand, I am fine with that as I obviously didn't need any more calories, on the other, that is a bad habit because I wake up hungry but can't eat anything so it leads to another day of bad eating....yes, this morning after the gym I ate the rest of the cheezels, please don't hate me.

I then felt so sick with myself, that I have now thrown out all the remaining crap that is in the house, and have determined to start with a clean slate from now on in, but deep down, I know that this is only a temperary mindset and before long the demons that haunt me we come back and try to test my resolve to stay away from the crap food!

Food addictions are the worst thing on earth!!! I wish there was a pill that could cure that addiction!

And look this has turned into another pity party! Sorry it wasn't meant to get so dark, my brain took over and look what happened!

Enjoy your weekend and be active, as far as I can tell it is the only thing that helps beat the dreaded food addiction demon, at least up to a point!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


So I have had this niggling pain in my right hip for a while now. It only hurts when I have been sitting down for long periods of time, on when I try to sleep on my left side (my favourite sleeping position) more uncomfortable than anything else, but it has been getting worse.

I didn't think my treadmill sessions were doing any harm as it doesn't hurt while I jog or walk, but as I have been on holidays the last week, I have then come home and have been relaxing on the couch a lot more than normal, so in the last week I have noticed that it has been getting worse.

As much as I hate it, I finally decided to see someone about it today and so off to a physiotherapist I went.

Seems that some time ago, I have damaged a ligament in my hip, between the hip bone and my back.

I think it must have been when I was doing the yoga a few months ago, as that is when I first felt the pain, but I had put it down to being too new to yoga and so stopped, thinking I would let my leg rest before going back and seeing the instructor about making sure I was doing it properly so that I didn't injure myself further, of course I never did!

So the physiotherapist checks me out and after some movements, prodding and lots of questions he came to the conclusn that it was just a ligament that was hurt and not something else. While this is a good thing, it also has it's own set of problems!

Firstly, I have been told that I have to lay off the jogging for at least the next few weeks!!!

I was not impressed! In fact it really does suck! When I mentioned that as it hadn't hurt when I was on the treadmill, I hadn't realised that would have been an issue, he told me, that when I am exercising, blood it being pumped to the area, and while that is a good thing, the strain of the jogging that is being put on the area, can also cause more ligaments being damaged and if that happens it can them be a long and painful recovery. My treadmill sessions have to remain at a brisk walking pace, no faster!

Secondly, I have to do lots of stretches!

While I have been doing some stretches after my treadmill sessions, I have not been doing enough and I also need to do them before I start as well, and he also advised to do in the mornings and evenings as well.

He also mentioned that i should also be stretching out my quad muscles as well as they are quite tight as well and that will help my knees. Apparently I have knock knees and that could cause issues later on, we will address those after my hip is better!

All this means that I am frustrated!
~ that I didn't do something sooner
~ that it is now affecting my running efforts
~ that it always seems to be something!

The therapist did do a treatment of electric therapy of some sort, I really should pay more attention to what doctors are doing to me :p it tingled and felt great and I could tell it was getting to the source of the area of pain. He then went throught the stretches I need to do and asked to see me again in ten days time.

Now I just need to regularly do the stretches and stop myself from jogging. That will be the hardest, but I know it is for my own good!

There always seems to be something standing in the way......

Monday, January 14, 2013

Summer cold & a weigh in

Week 147 post-op weigh in,
Starting weight: 151.9kg / 334.9lb
Last weigh in: 106.9 kg / 235.7 lb
Current weight: 107.4 kg / 236.8 lb
Change: gain of 0.5 kg / 1.1 lb
Total Weight Lost to Date: 44.5 kg / 98.1 lb

I haven't weighed in since just before New Year and I just knew that I have put weight on since then, so I guess I am just glad it is only half a kilo :P I am guessing it was higher, but the exercise has helped!

I have to tell you that I am still really enjoying the jogging. I don't want to jinx myself, but I actually think I will enjoy running! I did the same as I did on Saturday, jogged for as long as possible and then walked to recovery before jogging again. Today I did 3.01 km in 30 minutes, that is 0.14 km further than what I did on Saturday, so even though it is only two days, I am impressed with what I am accomplishing! And that is a new feeling for me!

The only down point is that I am getting a bit of a summer cold, sore throat and a chesty cough has started, but I am going to try not to let it get in my way of my new fitness start! Even if I ease up and just walk for the 30 minutes for a few days! I do not want what usually happens when I get sick, I stop everything, eat crap and then it takes my another month to start up again!

If I get sick enough that I do have to stop, I will, but I am hoping that it won't get to that.

Okay, I am tired and can do with the rest so that I don't get too sick; enjoy whatever is left of your Monday and have a great week!!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Every Day!!!

This is what I have to remember!!!

This morning I went to the gym and ran, I am taking Manda's advice and not doing the c25k program, just jogging for as long as I can and then walking until my breathe and heartbeat get back to normal and then jog some more!

I think I ran more than I would have on the program, but as I never noted the distance before I really have no way of knowing for sure. So today I recorded it and will start to take a record of it all the time.

This morning I went 2.87 km in 30 minutes, that includes the warm up / cool down time walking.

Having said that, I then continued my morning by ruining all that good work at the gym and ate some mini wagon wheels!  I do this all the time and it is really frustrating!!

The above picture is just something I need to keep in mind! Even though the first pic really does not do me any favours it is where I have come from and the image on the right is one that I think looks healthy and I would love to have a body like that :o)

Evey decision I make needs to aim towards a healthier me and I need to constantly remember this. EVERY DAY!!

Okay I'm done for today's post, enjoy the rest of the week end, I hope you are fairing better than me, it is sweltering here in Brisbane and the fan is not doing much at all :P

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Ten Thing Thursday, a first!

Yes I have never done the TTT before and as I have a lot of thoughts in my head I thought this would be a good excuse to finally do one :o) So here goes:

1. Where I am:
I am stressed out and it is affecting my journey big time, I am struggling for motivation to exercise, my food choices have not been the best, and I am not sleeping so well! This has lead my to stay away from the scales since ghe new year, so I have no idea what the numbers are, and I really do not want to know, because I am sure the scale number has increased and I could not stand it at the moment!

2. Gym:
Not to say that I have not been to the gym....this week I have just missed Tuesday, but for each of the other three days (just got back from there) I have had to force myself to go! And isn't that what they say to do, just keep going, never mind motivation? I have been keeping it to 30 minutes and it has just been on the treadmill.

C25K begins again. I really do like the program, I just wish I could get further along in it, I keep faultering at week four and have to start all over again, this is about the tird time I have done week one in about two months! when I just want to be able to start running and never stop! I am starting to see running as a form of escape, and because I can not yet run for very long, I feel as though I am trapped and can't escape yet!

3. Running:
Another thought on running, I just downloaded this album from itunes:
And I love it!

It was great to jog to. I sort of shuffled along to it today and it did feel as though I was able to last longer before I had to slow down to a walk. It was not supposed to be a run day in the c25k program, but I just wanted to run, so I shuffled along at 6.5km (4miles) p/h on the tread mill for a few minutes at a time and then would walk until my heart rate got back down to normal and then run a bit more.

I will be using this for my c25k from now on as well I think :o)

4. My niece:
This is the one that has had a very turbulent relationship with my suster for last year or so, she came up on Christmas night and stayed with us for a few weeks, I was trying to get her to move up here, buf it isn't going to happen! She loves her brothers and sister and no matter what her mother and father do or say to her, she keeps going back for more abuse from them.

It is mostly mental abuse that she has been suffering from, but apparently her father and sister have hit her more that once and my sister just tells her to forget it and move on.

There are times when I do not like my sister one iota and lately there are more and more of those times.

I have tried talking to her, but she won't open up and talk about it yet. Whether it is because she is not yet ready or doesn't want to be talked into leaving, I have no idea, but I have come to the realization that I can't make the decisions for her, and when she is ready to make changes, she knows that I will be here for her.

I just hope she wants to make changes to her life sooner rather than later!

5. My Mum:
A few years ago, the retina in her right eye started to detach, it was tearing away and she went to the optometrist and was sent to a laser eye place and they were able to fix it. Because it had started to tear away and was an emergency and the optometrist she went to had connections, this all cost a few hundred dollars instead of thousands!

The left eye seems to be going now!

But the difference is, it is doing it in stages, the jelly at the back of the eye that holds he retina in place has come away, so the retina is still on place. At the moment.

This means it is not an emergency, we do not have access to the same optometrist and we have some options.
A. Pay thousands of dollars to get it fixed before it gets any worse
B. Wait until it does become an emergency and hope that we can actually save her eye sight.

My mum is all for plan B, she is a firm believer in everything will work out fine, I don't have that same belief, but I also have no way of getting hold of thousands of dollars in order to fix her eye straight away. She says that it is not bothering her, and that I don't need to worry, but what else should I do. I feel like a failure yet again...

6. My throat:
This morning I woke up with a tickle in the throat. I am really hoping it is just the smoke in the air, but I am not that lucky, I am probably coming down with a summer flu, and the fact that I get very sweety in the gym and then drive home in an air conditioned car is probably the main cause of it.

7. Finances:
I just feel as though I am drowning at the moment. A lot of it has to do with recovering from Christmas and having my niece up for those few weeks. She has absolutely no income coming in at the moment and I feel as though I am supporting everyone in my life except me.

8. Smoke:
Bush fire season is well and truly on here in Australia, Tasmania has had fires going on for days, New South Wales has hundred of fires going and here in Queensland we have our fare share of them as well! Today I am at home surrounded by a sea of smoke from near by fires on Bribie Island and some back burning (at least I hope it is back burning) they are doing closer to me.

The funny thing is that I haven't closed up the house, because it is so bloody hot! I actually prefer the smell of wood smoke on the breeze than to close the place up and suffocate!

9. House sitting:

Just got offered to house sit for a work mate of my mum's, two weeks in February and then again for another 9 weeks from the end of April! I enjoy house sitting as I get alone time and time away from living with my mother. But I will have a better plan this time, as the last time I house sat, I started to eat a lot of crap food instead of cooking in an unfamilar kitchen.

It sounded like such a great idea to buy a house with my mum at the time, but I just feel as though I can't have my own life. There is no way I would ever be able to bring anyone home and so I often wonder if I use it as an excuse to not meet men, or look to start a relationship. And most of the time it is fine, but now and then I just get a little frustrated, I guess it goes with everything else at the moment, I am looking for someone or something to blame for my lack of motivation

10. Thinking ahead:
I really didn't mean for this to be a pity post, I guess I have just been letting things build up and get to me. i find when I am under financal stress I have the hardest time of it. i get so worried that I won't be able to pay some thing! Or that I could loose the house, because for the first time in my life I actually have something of value that they could take from me if I was to be unable to pay the bills!

This will pass, it will just take a few more pays to get everything back on track and ahead again, and then most of the above stress will probably disappear, but until then I am sure I will continue to worry :P

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Ringing in the New Year

Another year begins, lets see how I ended 2012
This is how my commitment for the end of the year went.... Not so good, but I fully understand that my health played a large roll in not meeting those targets.

I stopped blogging because I was not doing so well, health wise and mentally, and while I should have blogged, I really didn't want to bore you or myself with my self pity! The sore on my chest has finaly been sorted, although I do have a mean looking scar. All the antibotics I had been on for over a month caused some irritable bowel syndrome problems that just added to the saga :p but that should also have finished for good (fingers are crossed on that)

As for the weight, well, all I can say is that being sick probably helped me get so close to the goal of 105kg, as there was not a lot of exercise to assist with the goal.

Moving on to 2013 :o)

No New Years Resolutions, just good decisions! And to have those good decisions develope into good habits.

The decision to exercise more often, take my vitamins daily and stop using food as an emotional crutch!

Forming habits is a difficult task to complete, but it is something that will happen!

The first of these good decisions started this morning, i had to start work at 8:45am and got into the city early, so early that my usual coffee shop wasn't yet opened, so instead of sitting down and waiting for them to open up, I went for a brisk walk about town for 20 minutes (traffic was very light and so I was very early) power walking through the streets felt great and woke me up, helping me to get ready for a day of answering phone calls!

The hardest part will be to continue to make the decision to get up and exercise every day! To say no to the daily chocolate and only have it occasionally! And to remember to take all the vitamins every morning!

For January I am trialing a small calendar and stickers. A different sticker for vitamins and exercise. And at the end of the month I will se how that goes. I may even post a picture of it if I do well enough.....if I never mention it again, you can just assume that the idea didn't happen and I am ignoring it in the hopes that no one will notice I didn't follow through ;p

Other than that, I haven't got much to report.

I hope everyone has had a great New Year and that 2013 is the year we acheive all that we set out to acheive :o)