Yes I have never done the TTT before and as I have a lot of thoughts in my head I thought this would be a good excuse to finally do one :o) So here goes:
1. Where I am:
I am stressed out and it is affecting my journey big time, I am struggling for motivation to exercise, my food choices have not been the best, and I am not sleeping so well! This has lead my to stay away from the scales since ghe new year, so I have no idea what the numbers are, and I really do not want to know, because I am sure the scale number has increased and I could not stand it at the moment!
Not to say that I have not been to the gym....this week I have just missed Tuesday, but for each of the other three days (just got back from there) I have had to force myself to go! And isn't that what they say to do, just keep going, never mind motivation? I have been keeping it to 30 minutes and it has just been on the treadmill.
C25K begins again. I really do like the program, I just wish I could get further along in it, I keep faultering at week four and have to start all over again, this is about the tird time I have done week one in about two months! when I just want to be able to start running and never stop! I am starting to see running as a form of escape, and because I can not yet run for very long, I feel as though I am trapped and can't escape yet!
Another thought on running, I just downloaded this album from itunes:And I love it!
It was great to jog to. I sort of shuffled along to it today and it did feel as though I was able to last longer before I had to slow down to a walk. It was not supposed to be a run day in the c25k program, but I just wanted to run, so I shuffled along at 6.5km (4miles) p/h on the tread mill for a few minutes at a time and then would walk until my heart rate got back down to normal and then run a bit more.
I will be using this for my c25k from now on as well I think :o)
4. My niece:
This is the one that has had a very turbulent relationship with my suster for last year or so, she came up on Christmas night and stayed with us for a few weeks, I was trying to get her to move up here, buf it isn't going to happen! She loves her brothers and sister and no matter what her mother and father do or say to her, she keeps going back for more abuse from them.
It is mostly mental abuse that she has been suffering from, but apparently her father and sister have hit her more that once and my sister just tells her to forget it and move on.
There are times when I do not like my sister one iota and lately there are more and more of those times.
I have tried talking to her, but she won't open up and talk about it yet. Whether it is because she is not yet ready or doesn't want to be talked into leaving, I have no idea, but I have come to the realization that I can't make the decisions for her, and when she is ready to make changes, she knows that I will be here for her.
I just hope she wants to make changes to her life sooner rather than later!
5. My Mum:
A few years ago, the retina in her right eye started to detach, it was tearing away and she went to the optometrist and was sent to a laser eye place and they were able to fix it. Because it had started to tear away and was an emergency and the optometrist she went to had connections, this all cost a few hundred dollars instead of thousands!
The left eye seems to be going now!
But the difference is, it is doing it in stages, the jelly at the back of the eye that holds he retina in place has come away, so the retina is still on place. At the moment.
This means it is not an emergency, we do not have access to the same optometrist and we have some options.
A. Pay thousands of dollars to get it fixed before it gets any worse
B. Wait until it does become an emergency and hope that we can actually save her eye sight.
My mum is all for plan B, she is a firm believer in everything will work out fine, I don't have that same belief, but I also have no way of getting hold of thousands of dollars in order to fix her eye straight away. She says that it is not bothering her, and that I don't need to worry, but what else should I do. I feel like a failure yet again...
6. My throat:
This morning I woke up with a tickle in the throat. I am really hoping it is just the smoke in the air, but I am not that lucky, I am probably coming down with a summer flu, and the fact that I get very sweety in the gym and then drive home in an air conditioned car is probably the main cause of it.
I just feel as though I am drowning at the moment. A lot of it has to do with recovering from Christmas and having my niece up for those few weeks. She has absolutely no income coming in at the moment and I feel as though I am supporting everyone in my life except me.
Bush fire season is well and truly on here in Australia, Tasmania has had fires going on for days, New South Wales has hundred of fires going and here in Queensland we have our fare share of them as well! Today I am at home surrounded by a sea of smoke from near by fires on Bribie Island and some back burning (at least I hope it is back burning) they are doing closer to me.
The funny thing is that I haven't closed up the house, because it is so bloody hot! I actually prefer the smell of wood smoke on the breeze than to close the place up and suffocate!
9. House sitting:
Just got offered to house sit for a work mate of my mum's, two weeks in February and then again for another 9 weeks from the end of April! I enjoy house sitting as I get alone time and time away from living with my mother. But I will have a better plan this time, as the last time I house sat, I started to eat a lot of crap food instead of cooking in an unfamilar kitchen.
It sounded like such a great idea to buy a house with my mum at the time, but I just feel as though I can't have my own life. There is no way I would ever be able to bring anyone home and so I often wonder if I use it as an excuse to not meet men, or look to start a relationship. And most of the time it is fine, but now and then I just get a little frustrated, I guess it goes with everything else at the moment, I am looking for someone or something to blame for my lack of motivation
10. Thinking ahead:
I really didn't mean for this to be a pity post, I guess I have just been letting things build up and get to me. i find when I am under financal stress I have the hardest time of it. i get so worried that I won't be able to pay some thing! Or that I could loose the house, because for the first time in my life I actually have something of value that they could take from me if I was to be unable to pay the bills!
This will pass, it will just take a few more pays to get everything back on track and ahead again, and then most of the above stress will probably disappear, but until then I am sure I will continue to worry :P